This is the number one fear single women over 40 have about using online dating. They worry about being scammed or catfished.
‘Catfishing’ is a term for the process of luring people into false relationships, or when someone gives out false information about themselves.
Is the fear of being made a fool and being used by bad dudes keeping you offline? Or does it keep you up at night worried that the guy you have a date with next week is going to use and and lie to you?
WE RECOMMEND THE VIDEO: Identifying Inequities in Family Planning Programs at National and Subnational Levels
Please join us for this webinar, jointly presented by the coalition's market development approaches working group (mdawg) and advocacy & accountability ...
Here is what I tell my clients:
He might. But it’s highly unlikely. Just like driving to the grocery store. Will you get in an accident? You might. But it’s highly unlikely.
If you never leave the house, you’ll starve. And if you never go online, your chances of meeting your forever love plummet.
Just know this:
The vast majority of guys online are decent and just trying to meet someone nice. Like Bob , or Lance.
And, like preventing a car crash, there are things you can do to be smart about guys you choose to meet. There are even services out there who will help you vet your dates.
While I don’t necessarily recommend you pay someone to do this, this article has info on that and other great free tips on how to take precautions. I especially like the idea of doing a Google search using someone’s photo. That will tell you right away if he’s on other sites as someone else.
In that case, simply report him, delete him, and buy-bye!
It’s smart to be cautious, but not at the expense of losing out on meeting someone great. You aren’t an 18-year-old girl anymore. The knee-jerk “Oh my goodness, this is scary” nonsense is old and no longer serves you.
You can make good decisions and take care of yourself by using your ability to weigh options, make complex decisions and exercise your assertiveness. You probably do this every day with your career, your family, even with the dry cleaner; dealing with single men should be no exception.
Just remember, when it comes to getting scammed or catfished online, you can be in control.
PS: Suzy, a DLAGU community member, left me this oh-so-smart comment. I wanted to be sure you read it:
It’s probably obvious but I did want to point out that women using dating sites should also keep in mind that the photo reverse search thing can also be used on their photos so, if they are concerned about safety, they might want to avoid using any photo in their online profile that they have also used on their social media accounts, Linked-in profile, etc. since anyone on the dating site could use it to find out a lot of information about them including their full name, work place, etc.
- Dianne September 12, 2018, 1:52 pm
I’ve been widowed 8 years and didn’t think I’d ever want to date; but I decided to try eHarmony since so many of my widowed friends have had success there. The first to contact me seemed like a fabulous guy and we communicated on the site and then texted and I was enamored and thought I might have hit the jackpot. Then he emailed me and it sounded odd … so I Googled a few of the words and found them on a scammer site. I’m the administrator for an online widowed community and these guys try to get in all the time. I pride myself in being able to send them packing and yet I fell for this. I’m embarrassed and yet I now understand how they learn as much as they can about us to know our vulnerabilities so they can say the right things. What a hard lesson to learn – because he hurt my heart, too.
Ugh, I’m so sorry Dianne. No need to be embarrassed. I know that’s what you’d tell any other woman, right? In terms of mending your heart, feel it but also work on clarity. Specifically that you are grieving for an idea – not a man. You know that particular man was a cad. Screw him. He’s Not worth a moment of your time. But the hope of finding love…that’s the disappointment, right? I think you’ll find that grieving for a thought feels different/better than grieving for a man. There was no man that got away. he’s still out there waiting for you. Hugs. Bp
It’s probably obvious but I did want to point out that women using dating sites should also keep in mind that the photo reverse search thing can also be used on their photos so, if they are concerned about safety, they might want to avoid using any photo in their online profile that they have also used on their social media accounts, Linked-in profile, etc. since anyone on the dating site could use it to find out a lot of information about them including their full name, work place, etc.
Yes Suzy, you’re absolutely right! We should have included that in the article. I think we’ll add it and, of course, attribute to you. Glad you’re here. Bp
Best way to stop these perps and I have had MANY contact me…they ARE ALL OVER the dating sites. Most list that they are widowed (to get your sympathy) and have one little child they love so much and speak very flowery! But the best way to stop them is to innocently ask them to snap a picture right then and there of themselves and send it to your email. We all have smart or I -Phones and can do this on the fly. If they make up an excuse and won’t do it…they are fake. It is very easy to do. I have caught several this way. Trust me…it works!
Great idea, Lisa. And this why I recommend you all to have a unique email address and phone number (for instance Google Voice) that doesn’t identify you in any way to use only for online dating. Thanks! Bp