Last week, while telling my brain to focus on my downward dog, my yoga instructor said ‘I’ve been married for 26 years, and last night, for the first time, I had dinner with my husband…and his iPhone. I’m sure you’ve all been there.’
I most certainly have, I thought. Even worse, I’ve done it to people. She continued, ‘We need to work on being present in our lives starting right here and now.”
We’ve all heard the phrase. Many of us believe it’s spiritual and therefore, we keep an arm’s-length away. We don’t understand what it means for our lives. Will it require meditation each morning, weird chanting, and a trip to an ashram in India?
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Don’t fear! Being present in relationships is simpler than that.
Being present means listening to your partner when they tell you about the dream they had last night, fully engaging in the activities you do together (not just the fun stuff), and yes, even not checking your phone every two minutes when you’re out to dinner.
It’s being aware of the non-cell phone-screen moments right before your eyes.
In a world where distractions are endless, we have to train ourselves to be in the moment, especially those moments shared with our loved one. When we are disengaged, problems arise in our love lives.
So what can you do? Here’s a list for starters:
- Leave work behind – Before seeing your partner at the end of casino a long day, take a deep breath and place your work worries and stress to the side. For some of us, this needs to be a conscious decision so take a few minutes to regroup before going into the house.
- No cell phones allowed – Keep your cell phone in your purse or pocket for at least the first hour of a date.
- Ask questions – When you find yourself unable to concentrate on your partner, apologise and ask them to repeat what you missed. Honesty is the best policy!
- Take a break – Have a weekend away every once and awhile – without your computer!
- Make it intimate – Keep technology out of the bedroom from time to time!
I challenge you to resist the urge to check your emails on date night this weekend; check-in with your partner instead.
Thursday, 13 December 2018