Dear Ms. Q,
I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. It’s just a marketing scheme for stores to pressure men to buy expensive gifts for their wives and girlfriends. Every time my girlfriend sees one of those commercials, she’ll say things like, “Oh, isn’t that sweet?” and “Oh, isn’t that cute?”
I do nice things for her all the time. Why does she feel that I have to prove myself on this one day of the year?
I keep telling my girlfriend this. She said I’m being a ginormous dick and now she’s not talking to me.
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Help me prove my point.
Not Cupid
Woah. You do sound like a ginormous dick. Your attitude sucks. I can see why your girlfriend’s not talking to you.
If you think that Valentine’s Day is nothing but a marketing scheme, then you’ve been totally sucked into the retailers’ messages of “Buy this and you’ll make your woman happy.”
If your girlfriend was responding to the ads by saying, “I want that diamond necklace (or whatever the expensive item),” then I’d say she’s a shallow, materialistic bitch. Cut your losses now.
However, I’m taking a guess that she’s responding to the emotional appeal of those ads; those messages of a man making a special gesture to make her feel that she’s loved. Women are like that, especially on Valentine’s Day. It’s a tradition that’s been marked in literature going back hundreds of years in writings by Geoffrey Chaucer, William Shakespeare and John Donne. If you really want to blame someone for creating a Hallmark holiday, blame your male predecessors.
Granted, today’s Valentine’s Day has nothing to do with its Christian roots. Then again, neither does Christmas. I think it would be a safe bet that you’d be pissed if she came up empty-handed on December 25 … or on your birthday for that matter.
So would it kill you to give into tradition and do something nice for your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? Not just because you have to but because you want to? After all, you said that you do nice things for her all the time. Why pick the most romantic day of the year to be a jerk? You’re not going to win that battle with your battle plan.
If you don’t feel compelled to take her out for an expensive dinner, make something special the both of you will enjoy at home. Better yet, cook something special together for dinner unless you have a real problem enjoying steak, shrimp or lobster. Snack on some special hors d’ourvres and sip on some top-shelf wine or cocktails while you’re cooking. Skip the dining room table and have dinner in bed … naked. Feed each other. Eat off each other. Think of it this way … you can’t do that in a restaurant.
Don’t want to dump a ton of cash on a box of chocolates? Pick up a bag of conversation hearts and plant a trail of them leading to your bedroom. Make it really interesting and pick up a bag of X-rated candy hearts and read them to each other before you pop them in your mouth … or into each other’s mouths.
Can’t afford or don’t want to shell out the cash for a spa massage? Pick up a bottle of scented massage oil and tend to every inch of her body … that’s if she’ll let you get to every inch before you’re done.
Take your pick. Would you rather spend Valentine’s Day and all of the other days of the year with Rosie Palm or with your girlfriend?
And ladies … these are things you can do for your guy, too, although a special cigar or his most coveted scotch, gin or other adult beverage are the equivalents of flowers and candy for men. Men like to be pampered, too.
Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.
Thursday, 29 October 2020